In 2017, I was lucky to meet (via this blog) an inspiring self defence instructor and fellow blogger – Matt Stait. We’ve stayed intermittently in touch since then, and Matt has just published his first book – Modern Samurai.
It’s a collection of vignettes (he calls them “ramblings”) from his life as a doorman, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. On one level, it’s just a very lively and fun storybook, giving a no-holds barred, and sometimes quite shocking insight into the world of door security.
But underneath the humour and drama of Matt’s adventures, some deeper ideas run through the book. This article pulls out ten of these, under the overarching theme of things you may only ”get” when you start to understand violence . . .
(○ ｀ｰ´)○☆)ﾟoﾟ/
It’s important to note the wording: when you start to understand violence. Matt wouldn’t claim for a moment to have bottomed out this massive subject, although his work/life experience has surely given him a better understanding than many people.
Rory Miller compares violence to the old tale about a group of blind men trying to understand an elephant, each one by touching one small part of the elephant’s body. So one of them touches the side and thinks an elephant is like a wall; one grabs a tusk and decides that it’s like a spear; and so on.
Violence is a big animal […] Does someone who has been in a few bar brawls really know any more about violence than the guy who grabbed the elephant’s ear knows about elephants? Bar brawling experience IS real and it is exactly what it is, but it won’t help you or even provide much insight into military operations or rape survival.
[…] Many martial arts, martial artists, and even people who fight for real on a regular basis have also only seen a very small part of this very big thing.
– Meditations on Violence, pages 1-2
Having said this, Matt’s experience does give him credibility. Here are nine points that emerge from his book; and one that I just added in myself, from my own Sensei’s teaching. This article is based on a blend of episodes taken from Matt’s book, and related points that we’ve discussed in conversation.
The overall theme, is that as a person starts to understand violence, through martial arts training and/or their real-life experience, there are (at least) ten positive changes that may take place. Of course there can be other ways to access these benefits too, but the focus here is on Matt’s own stories and experiences as a doorman . . .
(○ ｀ｰ´)○☆)ﾟoﾟ/
1. Gain more respect and appreciation for the people who protect us from violence
What kind of person is a bouncer? The TV Tropes website suggests that:
From TV and movies, one gets the impression that a bouncer is a large person, whose main job is to turn away the business of people who are insufficiently cool, or to provide an escort out for those customers who have lost their cool after admittance. They also oversee the Wannabe Line.
Overtly unsympathetic examples are usually portrayed as dimwitted, loutish assholes who needlessly harass patrons minding their own business and always seem to be looking for a fight to start or join in on or a sufficiently annoying patron to pound the shit out of.
Modern Samurai goes a long way to counter this stereotype and humanise the image of the bouncer, by portraying the best of his colleagues as unsung heroes; hard-working men and women who deal with the worst of society so that the rest of us can stay safe and enjoy a night out.
Matt also paints a picture of the high risks and relatively low remuneration of security staff. In conversation, he says:
We’re thankless and underpaid – forced to follow a set of rules that could end in prison or serious physical harm. As an example the SIA (awarding body) has recently banned chokes. How else do you control a much bigger guy safely?
So as Matt asks his readers in his introduction:
Give a thought to the big ugly lump stood on the door the next time you are passing. We are not uneducated thugs. We are people, people who keep you and your loved ones safe at night. People who run towards while everyone else is running away. People who will save your kids from themselves while they get so wasted on drink and drugs that they can’t remember their own name. (page 7)
If you’ve never really thought about the lives of those who keep us safe, it’s easy to judge them. We often see police officers, army personnel, security guards and so on criticised in the media for mistakes they make in the line of duty. But at times it may be appropriate to wonder how we would respond in the same situation – and feel appreciation for the service these men and women give, to keep society running smoothly.
2. Become more realistic about your own martial arts ability
Matt says:
This is the elephant in the room:) Almost all MA guys especially traditional guys do their prearranged movement with communal acceptance – but never accept that the pantomime they perform has no basis in reality. It’s choreographed, and all parties agree to what’s happening.
I’m quoting this section of Modern Samurai at length, as it’s an important story. Matt talks about a former colleague he names “Darren”, who enters security work with an impressive clutch of martial arts belts, trophies and medals. Matt describes the way these trophies have been won: Finally they would fight. Now when I say fight I mean spar, and in a very specific way. All martial arts styles that do competition have to apply rules for everyone’s safety […] First there is a ref and time limit, the opponents meet on a well-lit matted floor. Both are wearing headguards, gumshields, chest protectors, forearm guards, gloves, groin guards, shin pads and feet protectors. Both are told they can only perform allowed techniques […] and both are told that they cannot strike full power and can only hit scoring areas. Now the guy at the front door wasn’t interested in belts or medals, in fact was interested in nothing but beating Darren a new head. This guy was 6’2” and thick set, hands calloused from a lifetime of manual work. His shoulders and upper back pushed his t-shirt tight and the many tattoos on his arms showed depictions of skulls and half naked women. […] Right now, Darren was sinking, you could see him withering under the scaffolder’s aggression. He looked over Darren making him capitulate through intimidation. I’m sure in Darren’s arena he would easily have controlled this guy, but it wasn’t in his arena and the aggression had triggered some pretty powerful emotions in Darren that he wasn’t ready for. We have all heard of the fight or flight response. Well there is a third to that called the freeze. That’s what he did, the cocktail of chemicals charged around his body and his brain unable to find any similarity in what was happening shut down. His perceived experience of violence could find nothing to cling onto. All that physical training lost in a moment. The scaffolder lunged forward sinking a headbutt into Darren’s face, he then grabbed him by the shirt and hit him with four or five swinging punches as Darren fell to the floor and tried to curl up in a ball totally overwhelmed by the ferocity of the attack. By the time help arrived the scaffolder was stamping on his head while holding the railings to get more purchase, spittle flew from his mouth as he [swore] with every stamp. Darren was beaten, and the scaffolder didn’t even bow. {Pages 111-3)
Case Study One: Darren’s Story
With this the ref makes them bow to him and them to each other, they then face each other at the prescribed distance. Finally after all that the ref will shout go in the language of choice and the two combatants will move into the range of whatever style they are competing in and try to score a point.
3. Gain better understanding of the psycho-physical effects of fear and violence
We saw in the story above that “Darren’s” skills deserted him when they were pressure-tested under reality. Whether this happens or not, is obviously to do with whether the techniques you learn are physically effective, but also a lot to do with psychology. As Matt says:
fear fucks you up:) your body and mind works very differently under stress. Most of what you think you know will collapse under pressure.
This phenomenon is reasonably well known and discussed by martial artists; even those who prefer not to train in an environment with pressure testing. However, Matt highlights another psychological impact of his incessant exposure to violence, which may be less familiar:
Psychologically I have been affected. I have seen some horrible things and been involved in and witness to levels of violence that are very unhealthy for the mind. Seeing the worst of humanity leaves a stain on your soul that is hard to remove and at the end I was having violent thoughts towards everybody […]
I found myself lining everyone up […] I would talk to the neighbours with my chin tucked in in case he tried to headbutt me. Not that he ever did.
Every conversation I had at that time was superimposed with how I would physically dominate the situation should it call for it no matter if it was buying chips or chatting about the weather. I had become the person who was always expecting the worst. And the violence I had lived with so long had become hardwired into my brain.
I only realised what that had done to me once I stopped working the doors and anybody who has never been around that level of violence for that length of time will never understand (page 138).
4. Become better able to evaluate the efficacy of a martial art
Matt’s real-life experience with violence leads him to judge the techniques taught in the dojo or gym, in terms of their real-life applicability. He explains:
As a bouncer who needs skills that are really going to be usable I must ask some honest questions. What would help in this environment? And what would get me hurt?
I have seen a guy throw in a full rear-naked from his back on a partner, both hooks in, right in the middle of the dancefloor. Technically it was awesome until the guy’s mate kicked him in the head like he was taking a penalty and knocked him out cold.
Or the guy that went for a double-leg on a hard concrete pavement. As his knee connected with the tarmac and the guy’s weight fell on top of him he screamed in agony as his kneecap shattered.
Or the boxer who’s sitting in jail for excessive use of force because punching people was all he knew, and he punter ended up with his jaw broken in three places (page 110).
If your own life is blessedly free of violence, you may be wondering how you can evaluate the efficacy of your own martial art.
Matt’s advice is: Don’t look at the instructor. Look at the person attacking him or her. If the attack isn’t real, neither is the defence. The classic example is the typical “Karate” punch – no one who means it leaves a punch suspended out in front of them, for someone else to grab.
5. Understand what true power is
Matt’s early experience with Karate was transformational:
I saw a whole new world of manhood, you didn’t need to growl at everyone or have bar fights and be a bully to be a man. You could be a softly spoken, articulate and likeable guy and still be able to switch on this other side of yourself when required. This was a revelation to me. Here were people who looked average right up until the point when they moved. (page 9)
This is a favourite theme of mine, which may be summarised as the phrase: Power without love is violence. Love without power is perfume.
Or to quote Martin Luther King, Jr. – Power without love is reckless and abusive–but equally, love without power is sentimental and anemic.
In other words, the magical combination that Matt encountered in his first dojo was: people who could physically harm others, but actively chose not to. Inazo Nitobe famously idealised this trait as 武士の情け Bushi no nasake – the tenderness of a warrior
It implied mercy where mercy was not a blind impulse, but where it recognized due regard to justice, and where mercy did not remain merely a certain state of mind, but where it was backed with power to save or kill.
[…] Priding themselves as they did in their brute strength and privileges to turn it into account, the samurai gave full consent to what Mencius taught concerning the power of Love. “Benevolence,” he says, “brings under its sway whatever hinders its power, just as water subdues fire: they only doubt the power of water to quench flames who try to extinguish with a cupful a whole burning wagon-load of faggots.
6. Acknowledge women’s capacity for violence
Matt says:
I learnt very early on to be wary of the fairer sex. The poem may say sugar and spice but when you add alcohol and drugs into the mix that doesn’t end in all things nice (page 91).
He recounts a tale of working in a bar, and seeing a man break his girlfriend’s nose in anger. Matt grabbed the guy and pinned him against the wall to protect her – but as he was inexperienced in those days, he unthinkingly turned his back on the woman.
It came as quite a shock to suddenly feel a searing pain in my head […] For whatever reason [she] had decided to defend him. She got up from the floor, using the pool table to help her rise. Then she removed one of her stiletto shoes, held it like a club. Rushing to his aid she ran towards me bringing it down onto the top of my head where the heel embedded itself into my flesh. She was yelling “Get off him! You’re hurting him, he ain’t done nuffink” as she flailed away at me with her shoe (page 93)
Case Study Two: Was this Bouncer Right to Hit this Woman? Comments in his support included: – If you hit someone, be prepared to get hit back. Bouncer was totally justified. I don’t care that it was a woman, she attacked him, he was defending himself. She deserves a night in the drunk tank – Women want equal rights… well she got it. You just don’t sucker punch another person and expect no repercussions. She got just what she deserved. Wonder how much liquid courage she has on board? Good for the bouncer. – She clearly attempts to assault the ‘doorman’ who instinctively avoids being hit and reacts with quick reaction. If the blow thrown by the doorman had been full blooded there is no way the female would have been left standing. More critical comments included: – A real man would not hit back. Hope this bouncer looks forward to the time when he gets beaten up in jail. – A woman is not a punching bag. He should be arrested. – Headline: CLUBBED BY BOUNCER Shocking moment bouncer punches WOMAN in the face after she swings for him and misses in street brawl (The Sun) – Headline: Sickening moment bouncer punches woman in the face outside Liverpool bar (Evening Standard) Matt comments: Women are capable of more than people believe. In our non-sexist, everyone’s-equal, don’t-patronise-me modern society, understand that the whole ethos of *never hitting a women* may become redundant in this new gender neutral age. Female boxer Rene Denfield goes further in her views – she sees it as wrong and infantilising to deny women’s capacity for violence: Sometimes female violence is made light of. I think of the rock star Courtney Love, who has been accused of assaulting fans and fellow musicians. Love has gloated over her violence, and for the most part, the press has joined her self-romanticisation. A male rock star who hit women would not receive this indulgent amusement, which Love doesn’t seem to notice is patronising. Fists in baby-doll dresses aren’t taken as seriously as fists thrown by men. Women’s violence can be cast as a parody […] Laughter over the assaults of Courtney Love, or the more bitter-edged jokes about Lorena Bobbitt’s slashing of her husband’s penis, seem not just to discredit the act but to lessen the culpability of the person who commits it. […] I am not saying that all women are by nature aggressive (neither are all men). What I am saying is that while violence is presented as the antithesis of womanhood, it is far more common than many think. It is not a humorous glitch or oddity, but a shifting, constant reality – the same as male aggression. It is a human condition, not confined to one sex. – Kill the Body, the Head Will Fall (page 11)
This clip went viral in 2016. Opinion was sharply divided on social media as to whether the doorman was in the right or the wrong.
7. Gain the ability to judge an incident more fairly
Some people love to express views on violent incidents, despite their complete lack of experience or understanding. Scarily, this can sometimes include those with the power to judge a criminal case.
Canadian judge Robin Camp was forced to resign after he asked the victim of a sexual assault in 2016: “Why didn’t you just sink your bottom down into the basin so he couldn’t penetrate you?” and “And when your ankles were held together by your jeans, your skinny jeans, why couldn’t you just keep your knees together?”
Matt finds this phenomenon a troubling side of his work
In a cold courtroom, six months, maybe a year down the line when you are surrounded by a bunch of legal types who have never had a fight in their lives […] what’s “reasonable” is usually pretty bloody far removed from reality.
[…] So, the word “reasonable” is subjective and you will be relying on other people with next to no experience of violence and violent people to look at you and decide, yes what you did was fine, we are not going to lock you up or take away your livelihood. Scary thought isn’t it. (pages 5-6)
There’s no easy answer to this, as it wouldn’t be practicable to suggest that all lawyers and judges go out onto the street and experience some real-life violence to improve their understanding of the subject.
Here’s an example of an educational publication, which gives instances of where judges have read a situation wrongly, and explains how to read such cases differently, in the light of facts about violence and abuse:
Human Trafficking and Domestic Violence A Primer for Judges
8. Become less likely to put yourself at risk
Some of Matt’s stories revolve around naive people (men and women) who blindly walk into dangerous situations and then have no clue how to defend themselves. Trusting others can be a beautiful thing, but it can also make you vulnerable. A bit of exposure to the darker side of humanity may not always be a bad thing, if it helps us to keep ourselves safe.
Matt comments: this is so simple but so hard at the same time. Common sense is all anyone needs!
This applies to everyone, and can be particularly pertinent in the case of women’s self defence. It can be far more useful to apply common sense and risk avoidance at an early stage, rather than focusing on learning physical techniques that might or might not work if and when a situation escalates.
9. Become kinder
This is something I’ve heard my own Sensei say: The more you understand violence, the kinder and the more loving you become. This comes out in Matt’s book also, for example where he honours the dedicated martial artists who have nurtured and developed him over the years since he started training at the age of 14. In conversation, he says:
It is one of the greatest gifts in my life that I can take the violence and negativity I have witnessed and make it positive and help people live a braver life.
A couple of years back, someone sent me an AikiWeb discussion that they thought might be an interesting source for writing on women and martial arts. The original poster had written about his female sensei, whose husband also attended the dojo, and was known to be violent and brutal – to fellow students and presumably to his wife too. From memory, I think he’d deliberately broken someone’s arm in class, but the Federation was turning a blind eye as it was a “complicated” situation and the guy was really scary. The poster was equally too scared to confront him – and the essence of his post was that he was angry with his Sensei (the man’s wife) for not protecting him. To my disbelief and disgust, the whole conversation (men and women alike) dripped with vicious unkindness; focused on judging and criticising the wife for not dealing with it. And this from a community of martial artists whose core values are supposed to be love and harmony. The link seems to have expired now, but here are a few of the quotes I pulled out at the time, and the notes I made on them (in pink): – I’m planning to … give her one more chance to correct it. She seems so far unable to confront him and change anything. Why are they putting the onus on her and not the husband, when he is far more at fault than she is? If they can’t confront him themselves, why do they think she can? – [Past students] have been helpful in bringing info forward for the Sensei to consider as well. But still, no confirmation from her that she is taking this seriously. She is in denial at this point How is it helpful for them to simply “raise” the issues with her, when they know she is completely powerless – and take no action whatsoever themselves. How can they be so unkind and ignorant as to assume she is not taking this seriously. She is certainly concerned and scared on behalf of her students but feels powerless to protect them – It probably will embarrass her, and maybe it will shame her a bit – she does own some of this (not the abuse, but letting the situation continue when she had a clear responsibility to do otherwise) Unkind and ignorant comment. – Abusive personalities are as such, they tend to make you feel helpless, weak, and trapped. This guy is very good at information control, and secrecy. He’s implanted in my mind for years that to leave this place is to be blackballed by my entire federation, whom I’ve grown a very close relationship to” It clearly doesn’t occur to this person, that the influence he has over his wife is substantially worse and more deeply implanted. Why are we supposed to sympathise with this student, and not with the Sensei? – There’s also a question of what exactly you’re learning from a “martial way” teacher who can’t confront her own abuser.” Spiteful and sanctimonious comment. So this man is so scary and so powerful, that the Federation can’t take him on; neither can the Ethics Committee; neither can the writer of this post; neither can all the current and past students put together. But they all see fit to judge and blame his wife, who is very likely more controlled and battered down by him than all of them put together, for not being able to take him on and save them from his abuse. Unbelievable. I think this is a perfect illustration of people who don’t understand violence passing judgement on a situation, and falling into profound unkindness and lack of compassion as a result. And it’s a prompt to all of us not to fall into the same kind of trap when judging victims (or legitimate perpetrators) of violence.
Case Study Three: An Unkind Group of Aikidoka Passes Judgement on a Potential Victim of Domestic Violence
10. Have the opportunity to protect others and/or make a difference to their lives
As Matt says: It’s why we do it.
Matt ends his book with the story of how he got involved in working for the charity Stand Against Violence. The charity was born from tragedy, when teenager Lloyd Fouracre was killed in an entirely unprovoked attack in 2005.
Stand Against Violence was set up by Lloyd’s brother, Adam. It develops and delivers educational resources and workshops which link to the PSHE/Citizenship curriculum. The aims of the workshops are to educate young people about the effects of violence.
Matt closes his book with some reflections on the project, and his teaching in general:
Two days before writing this I was delivering self-defence to an inner-city girls’ school. Fourteen-year-old young ladies of many races and religions learned some basic fundamentals of staying safe over the course of the day. I know that what we do is positive and if it only helps one teenager make the right decision then it’s all worth it. (page 141)
My passion is now teaching, and I am grateful that I am in the privileged position where I can do that. Watching others progress and become better people or become trained and qualified to feed their family or overcoming fear and anxiety is an amazing feeling. Waking up every morning looking forward to hopefully making a difference in the world means a lot. (page 139)
(○ ｀ｰ´)○☆)ﾟoﾟ/
So these are ten ideas gleaned from Matt’s tales of life as a doorman, which is the angle he views the elephant from. Different people who encounter violence in different ways may well come up with some of the same, and some different points.
This article has focused on pulling out some deeper principles underlying Matt’s book; but the real joy of his book is in the stories themselves, so I’d highly recommend it!
(○ ｀ｰ´)○☆)ﾟoﾟ/
About the book – Modern Samurai
DISCLOSURE: Matt gave me a free review copy of his book (thank you Matt!); however if I didn’t think it was great, I obviously wouldn’t have written about it . . .
NB the Amazon links in this article are not affiliate links.
Come with me as we take a revealing look inside the world of the private security industry. Discover what it is like to oversee a busy nightclub, look after celebrities and work with the hard men, gangsters, criminals and clubbers. I took up martial arts many years ago to try to overcome my fears and become this person who was afraid of nothing. I became a bouncer to see if it worked. I never stopped being afraid, but I did learn a lot about life and myself.
[…] I have worked almost every role from bouncer to bodyguard. I have stood on the door of pubs and clubs, gone undercover at festivals, looked after royalty and everything in between. I hold multiple black belts. I am a world champion gold, silver and bronze medallist and been inducted into the hall of fame. I teach self-defence to schools and businesses, deliver the SIA approved training required to get your license and run a full-time martial arts gym.
Does this make me an expert? No, but it does make for some interesting stories. If you want to work in the industry or just understand it better or you have wondered what goes on behind the scenes at your favourite clubs and festivals, then open the cover and experience the world of the nightclub bouncer.
Quentin Cooke
As always, you write very well on what is a disturbing subject for most of us. I study aikido and get a bit sick and tired of all the posts on line telling the world that that aikido would never work on the street, so it’s interesting to see that this is probably also true for most other martial arts as well. That’s fine by me, as it’s not the purpose of my training, which is more about self development as a whole person, not a fighter. I’m probably more capable than I would have been, but I suspect that the big bonus is that my skills would help me avoid that sort of confrontation in the first place. Anyway, I hope I never get to find out!
Write more regularly. You make people think about their study, which doesn’t happen enough.
Kai
Thanks as always for your support and encouragement Quentin, it means a lot! Yes, I do want to make a bit more time / effort to write in 2019 – last year just flew by.
Yes, I think it probably is true for a lot of martial arts, as you say. In that sense, you may have an advantage, in that you know exactly where things stand, and have no aspiration to become a physical “fighter” – and you are definitely achieving exactly what you want from your study in terms of ongoing self-development . . . As opposed to another student who may sincerely but mistakenly believe that they are gaining formidable “fighting” skills, when they’re actually missing big parts of the picture . . .
Joelle White
Ohhh yes, I can so relate! Great post, and please convey my thanks to Matt for letting you share from his book.
Matt Stait
Hi, it was my pleasure to share the book. I have been a fan of Kai’s blogs since our first meeting and article a number of years ago. Although, I think she has credited me with a depth of knowledge I’m not sure I possess. Looking forward to further musings from this particular blog. Matt
Kai Morgan
Thanks Matt, but it was all there in your book – all I did was reflect your work back to you, articulated in a different way and with some additional analysis and reflection overlaid onto your (very rich) raw material!
Hi Joelle, great to hear from you 😊 Have just been catching up with your own blog – very best wishes for your study goal of achieving Shodan this year . . .